Ideas for the Newbie Missionary Mum

Today I want to introduce Amy to you. I met Amy and her family in Ohio, USA when we visited for a week's evaluation at MMS Aviation. Amy is American and her husband David is from Peru. They had us round for dinner that week, in March 2009 and that is the only time we've actually been in the same place at the same time, as they had moved on by the time we arrived in the States permanently! They are now based in Bolivia working with South American Mission. David fixes planes and Amy is a homeschooling, blogging mum of 3, in her own words 'two born in my womb and one was born in my heart'. You can check out her own blog at 'Missional Mama'.

Amy's topic for this post is a very timely reminder for me, as we're right in the middle of packing and about to set up life in a whole new place ...

Four Ideas for the Newbie Missionary Mom (or Mum!)

So, you are heading overseas. There is so much to do getting ready with selling, storing, packing, saying goodbye not to mention making sure you have filled out every form, raised the support needed, and sent the appropriate letters. It is overwhelming!

Likely, you will sit on the airplane with a small sense of relief because everything that could be done is and now the new adventure will begin. You will soon try new foods, meet co-workers, and probably look for a home. New often equals fun…at least at the beginning.

Shortly though, things may not seem as “romantic” as they did when you were preparing to come and sharing with partners. You may feel like you don’t fit, your kids may show signs of stress, and you could begin to second guess whether you can really handle this life after all. You are not alone!

Here are four reminders to help you as you move into this new life …

1. RELAX

When moving the family and kids overseas, we soon find that the outside pressures of life in our home country (ex: to have the perfect family with amazingly gifted children) changes a little. On the field, we still want our kids to excel or at least to do well, but they also need to do much of life in another language. They will also need to learn things taught in new and confusing ways. This can be hard on kids and parents alike.

It is essential for missionary moms to consider what needs to be done and focus on that. For example, if your kids need to learn the language, find a way to make that happen and let other outside activities go for now. We all know that kids need time to play and be creative. Scheduling every moment of life is not healthy for anyone and will likely be frustrating in your new culture. Ask God to help you decide with what to be involved and then free yourself from worrying about it.

2. FEEL

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. It is not easy to change cultures. You won’t magically fit in and you will make lots of mistakes. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to talk, find a trustworthy friend. When people leave again and it hurts, be upset. If you get depressed, let God walk with you in that too. The thing is that it will likely be very hard, at least at times, and that is OK!

3. CULTIVATE

One of my life goals (that I borrowed from former president and chancellor of the Moody Bible Institute, Dr. George Sweeting) is to, “cultivate my inner life”. This is especially crucial for handling overseas living. Find what feeds you in devotions, learn to study the Bible, pray, and read quality Christian books. Listen to sermons in your native tongue and talk with solid friends. Know God and out of that will flow the living words and actions for others.

4. INVEST

Not only is it important to learn the language to the best of your ability but also to get to know the people. Investing time in the lives of the nationals helps you understand and capture the culture as well as fall in love with the people you are there to serve. It seems like this would be a natural aspect of every missionary, but you will find that flocking towards like-minded people (from your home culture) is the easier thing to do. You will need time with people that understand you, but be intentional about investing in the culture, language, and people to whom God has called you. Also, remember that language learning and cultural adaptation is different for everyone; resist the urge to compare yourself with others.

I have noticed that there is a lot of guilt in motherhood and I would say life on the mission field can grow that guilt if we are not careful. God called you to your culture and He gave you the family that you have. He has a plan for your children that you cannot comprehend which includes living in a third culture.

May God be with you as you work towards raising children and living life for His glory!

Packing Up

Our house right now is just a total mess of piles, half packed boxes, lists ... all of things to sell, things to get rid of, things to ship, things to travel with us and a whole lot more.

We're sorting out shipping companies, sorting out schedules for when we're home in the UK, trying to look ahead to things that we need lined up for when we arrive in Tanzania, as well as the day to day stuff and having some fun with our girlies so they're not totally disorientated with everything that is going on!

For someone who likes an element of order in her house, it is getting a little frustrating already and there are still a couple of weeks left. Sometimes it all seems a little overwhelming, sometimes it doesn't! That changes from day-to-day, or hour-to-hour ... even minute-to-minute!

I know it will all be over in just a few months time ... when we're settled again in Dodoma. But to be honest those few months seem like they will last forever when you look at them from my standpoint right now! Thankfully, as with all the changes that have been going on, we have been working through it all one step at a time and so far it hasn't been overly stressful!

There have been also been little high points for me in the process too ... successful sales of stuff we don't want anymore to friends and on various Facebook pages, collecting together things for crafty projects for me, presents for the girls next birthdays (yes, we're having to look that far ahead!), random items to make our new house a home so that we will be able to settle into it quickly at the other end and much more.

Here are a couple of fabrics I've bought to decorate different rooms in our new home. I have to admit I'm excited to get there, unpack my sewing machine and get started on them ... but even writing that, I'm aware at how middle-aged and missionary-like I'm sounding already! Oh well ... Ho Hum ... in the midst of all this right now, see if I care!

Don't let the Mosquito's get you

I've shared before one of my favourite quotes ...

'If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito'

It has a whole different connotation when you're moving your family, little people included, across the world to a country where malaria is a common occurrence. 

When I lived in Tanzania before, I survived my first year unscathed. The second year was different though ... I managed to get malaria, not once, not twice but three times. Seriously! 

When a healthy, well nourished person get's malaria it can just be like a bad case of the flu, that is treatable. On the flip side, it can be a deadly disease for those who have limited resources or access to medical attention. Thankfully we should be blessed with former situation during our time in Dodoma, but it won't guarantee total immunity, just a stronger body to deal with it!

Obviously we're going to be careful, not going out in the prime mosquito time of the day, using bug spray and to begin with, taking anti-malarial medication. Talking to the other families when we visited, it seems that most people don't take them the whole time though ... after all, who wants to pump themselves and their little munchkins with drugs, year after year?

We used this recent trip to test out how we all (but the girls especially) reacted to one particular type of anti-malarial before committing to taking it for a longer period of time, when we move to Tanzania in 2013. Thankfully it seemed to be a total success with none of the possible side effects like instant vomiting, diarrhoea, hallucinations and other stuff ... much to our relief!

Getting the girls to take the medicine was a whole other experience though. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT follow the instructions that say dissolve in water and give it to your children as a drink. I am here to personally testify that it does not work like that!! The first time, we had one agonising afternoon where we were force-feeding this disgusting solution to two very uncooperative little girls but had to make sure they were taking it! We really hadn't thought it through at all.

Fast forward one week ... and we were two very much more prepared parents! Crush it, mix it into just one spoonful of yoghurt and serve in the first mouthful without mentioning anything about anything. Absolutely no problem. Every week since has been exactly the same. BIG sigh of relief because believe me, we weren't going to repeat that first experience again each week!!

Hopefully we'll avoid the mosquito's and malaria as much as possible ... and thankfully, the process hasn't altered the girls love of yoghurt either.

Good Friends and Good Food

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in the States and we've just got back from spending a few days with some good friends in Indiana (hence the day's delay on this post!). 

This was our fourth and final Thanksgiving here and my favourite. We got to take a trip to a new State to us, enjoy time with good friends who we haven't seen for a while and who are like family, eat some total yumminess, relax a little in the midst of the craziness of an international move, get some good deals in the Black Friday sales on things we really needed to buy before we leave ... and lots more! What was not to love?!

Thanksgiving is often stereotyped as an excuse for gluttonous feasting ... and to be fair, I haven't gone hungry any year we've celebrated it out here! There is a lot of pumpkin involved, as well as other combinations of food that wouldn't necessarily feel natural to me to put together on a plate but it has always been delicious!

Thanksgiving Dinner

This year, the day after Thanksgiving I got to treat our hosts to another yummy feast, this time one of Thai food. When I was studying at All Nations, I had a really good Thai friend, who taught me to cook 'real' Thai food, rather than a westernised version (much to my husband's delight!). We often enjoy a Thai meal at home but from time to time I'll cook three or more dishes when we entertain and give our friends a real 'party in their mouths'!

One of my favourites is the Matsaman Curry, so I always include that ... here's the recipe according to my wonderful Thai friend! Serve with basmati rice.

• Matsaman Curry Paste (approx 1Tbsp ... sometimes more!)
• 1 tin of coconut milk
• 500g beef or chicken, inch cubed
• 300g potatoes, inch cubed
• 1 cup milk
• 1 onion, cubed
• large handful of peas or green beans
• 50g salted peanuts
• 3 Tbsp brown sugar
• 3 Tbsp fish sauce

1. In a large saucepan, bring half coconut milk to boil and mix in paste
2. Add meat & when cooked, add extra coconut milk
3. Add potato (& water if necessary to cover potato)
4. Add milk
5. Add onion
6. Add peanuts
7. Add brown sugar and fish sauce
8. Boil/Simmer til it's all cooked

Monkey

When I was first pregnant with Abigail, we didn't want to refer to the bump as 'baby' or 'bump' but to give the little person growing inside of me a name. So, until she made her grand entrance into the world, she was known as 'Monkey' ... and has been numerous times since, if the truth be known!

When she was very small we had put a few soft toys in her cot and let her pick a favourite ... and she picked one which was a monkey (no, they weren't all monkeys!!). It has been her prized possession ever since and literally goes EVERYWHERE ... even now! (He was enjoying a rest at the play park in the photo below).

Once she had made her choice, we endeavoured to find a second identical monkey ... just in case the worst should happen to 'Monkey One'. However we had bought him on clearance as an end of the line toy and nowhere on amazon or ebay or on the internet anywhere, have we been able to find another one. We've even contacted the company who manufactured him, several times, but they have never responded to our messages (you can tell it's a Brit company and not a US one from the lack of customer service!).

We have had several 'heart sinking, stomach flopping moments' in the last four years when we thought we had lost Monkey or left him behind somewhere but actually he has faired pretty well. He did get defaced in a moment of madness once and he does travel on his own passport now too (which unbelievably we've managed to convince at least 3 international immigration officers to stamp for us!!) but he has always stuck like glue to his owner who dotes on him constantly! Yesterday we spent a good hour hunting him down in the house. We knew he was here somewhere but as Abigail conceded after we found him, 'He is getting very good at playing hide and seek'!!!

Naomi on the flip-side has no favourite toy. Which can be a blessing and a curse. There is nothing to loose (or remember to take) but then there is nothing that can comfort her or for her to snuggle up with when she needs it either ... she usually wants one of us, which isn't always so convenient. Monkey on the other hand is now and will definitely always be the fifth member of our family!

Pringles ... Who knew?

Sorry for the blip in entries last week ... the recovery from our trip was my first priority!

It seems a little bit unreal that our look-see visit to Tanzania is already done and dusted. Given that there were 7 days of travel for a 6 day stay ... it was a huge undertaking and required a lot of planning and now unbelievably it's all over!

The munchkins did amazingly well considering the number of days, hours and minutes we spent getting to and from Dodoma, Tanzania. Four flights to get there over four days, including two night flights ... the second of which the girls decided they wanted to stay awake for. Three days to get home, starting with a day on a bus followed by three flights.

Now that long journey's are becoming more normal and regular for us, the preparations are becoming more straight forward too. We know what does and doesn't work, we know what to look for, what to include in the girl's goody bags and what kind of snacks to stock up on. 

We tend to over compensate for every eventuality, so that we have access to a well maintained stockpile to both keep the girl's happy and make the journeys as seamless as possible! My preference in this kind of situation is to be as prepared as possible!

Arriving back home, we had multiple presents and snacks leftover ... which will be tucked away for the next trip. Both girls had a blast (for the most part) and loved the whole adventure. But ... do you know what? A lot of the time they didn't even need the extra bits and pieces we'd packed to amuse them. 

One thing that seemed to be the biggest hit ... and very simple and easy to come by and stock up with at every stop we made ... was a tube of Pringles. Yes really!! It must have seemed to the girls that our tube was never ending as it kept magically becoming full again! If I'd realised just how popular they were going to be, I may have left some of the other stuff behind. I'm just glad we found the key to keeping them happy for this trip ... no doubt it will be something else for the next one though!

Dodoma - 10 years on

As much as this last week has been about preparing ourselves as a family for life here in Dodoma, it has brought back lots of memories for me. Seeing familiar people and places, noticing how things have changed, catching up with Tanzanian friends who I haven't seen in 11 years and just being able to show Mark a lot of the things I've been telling him about over the years. It is more 'town-like' than it ever was ... but Dodoma still has the same charm!

(We have also been sharing photos on Facebook that we've taken and have  had friends who I taught with out there, all those years ago, reliving the memories too!)

Now that we're at the end of our week's visit to Dodoma, I thought I'd reflect on some of the things that have changed or are the same between now and 1999-2001 when I was last out here. They may be of more interest to people who have lived in Dodoma in the past but some are just fun observations.

In no particular order ...

• There are a lot more sealed roads
• There are street name signs on many roads (I never knew their names before!)
• The primary and secondary school are on the same site
• The school (CAMS) has it's own bus
• The 'Two Sister's' has moved a couple of doors down but is still the same
• The 'Superdealer' has twice as much stock as it used to
• There is a top notch computer room at CAMS
• There is a chinese restaurant, coffee house and a pizzeria with crazy golf in town .. yes, really!
• There is a small supermarket that has several aisles and a electronic scanner (when the power is on!!)
• There is a pool at the Dodoma Hotel (school swim lessons are there now)
• There are only a handful of MAF families left in town
• The Shabiby bus is MUCH improved ... AC, toilet, free soda and Morogoro stop and Dar bus station are more civilised
• There is more traffic everywhere Dodoma, Dodoma-Dar road and Dar
• The Dodoma market hasn't changed one bit ... the same smell's, the same hustle and bustle, the same stalls in the same places
• There are a couple of nice shopping centres and cinema's in Dar (7 hours drive away)
• There is a new wing to CAMS with two more classrooms and a large library and another 2 classrooms currently being built
• There are a few more tv channels ... all as boring and poor quality as each other
• Blueband has had it's packaging upgraded but it's still the same margarine type spread that doesn't need to be stored in the fridge!
• There are about 10 ATM's in Dodoma (the nearest one used to be in Dar!)
• There are twice as many Tz Shillings to the £ as there were
• Beans and ugali still taste great
• There is Nyrere Square in town by the Ice-cream parlour ... with a statue of Nyrere surrounded by some gardens
• The cathedral has a big screen/projector/computer set up ... for the songs and the liturgy
• Internet and mobile phones are everywhere (we used to have no phones and one email address between all the staff on one computer at the school!)
• There are several universities in Dodoma, one hopes to have up to 40,000 students (currently at about 15,000)
• One member of parliament is building their house (mansion?) up on Lion Rock

I'm sure I could add a whole load more things and I also think I will notice more still once we live there permanently. It was so fun though for so much to be familiar. After all, come February, Mark will be safely at work in the hangar, while I adjust the family to life in Tanzania!

All about the Planes?

While we've had the chance to see the MAF hangar this week, we had a tour as a family and Mark has spent a couple of mornings in their familiarising himself with everything and everyone, this week has been more about getting to know what life will be like for us as family. The climate, the routines, finding out was is available, helping the girls transition and so much more.

There has been so much to take in, new people to meet, information to gather, places to go and it all began with 5 nights of very little sleep thanks to travel and jet-lag. Even though as an adult I understand what's going on and why we're here, plus the fact that I've lived in Dodoma before ... it's still a lot to take in.

I can't imagine what is going on in Abigail and Naomi's heads right now. They both seem to be taking it all in their stride and most days Abigail has said something like 'I like living in Africa', 'I love Africa', 'I don't want to go home, I want to stay in Africa', which is really encouraging!

There have been times when their behaviour has been a little more cranky than normal though, which has been completely understandable. The challenge has been not pushing them too much and finding the balance as a parent as to what is still acceptable or not under the circumstances. They haven't been all that bad but when we're all really tired, finding the patience to be understanding in every situation has been tough!

I know it will be different once we've moved here permanently and are much more settled but in their cranky moments ... February seems like a long way away!! At the same time it's been exciting to see how easily they have adjusted to most elements of life here and have been having a lot of fun in the process! It will make preparing to move here so much easier knowing that it is somewhere they enjoy being!

Our New Home

Today was exciting for all of us as we went to see our new home. It is one more link in the chain of preparation before we return to Dodoma, Tanzania in February next year and settle here. 

As it is not on the main MAF compound, next to the hangar and we don't currently have transportation it wasn't practical that we stay there for this short visit ... plus the fact that is currently a short term couple living there! But today as part of our 'look-see' week here we had a chance to go and have a look so that we will be better prepared to pack, knowing more what we need to bring back with us in just a few months time.

Below is a photograph of us outside the front door ... along with Abigail's new best friend, Aleah!

I love making a 'house' into a 'home', so this part of the trip was important to me. We were measuring up the rooms, the windows (for curtains) looking at the furniture and deciding what we wanted where and what would be useful to get in the States or the UK beforehand!

It sounds a bit old fashioned being a 'home-maker' and loving it but practically, for our family to feel the most settled the most quickly, it will be really important that the house feels comfortable for both the family and for guests visiting too.

If the girls don't feel comfortable in this house really quickly after we arrive, life will be a lot tougher on all of us. Within a different culture, when they're so little and can't really comprehend everything that's going on very easily, having somewhere safe to come back to is really important. 

So while I hope to get involved in projects of my own within the community during our time in Tanzania, my first and most important priority (even if it takes preference over other things) will not only be getting the house in order ... but more than that, feeling familiar and like home. Today I had the chance to start working out more practically just how I can do that and I'm already getting quite excited about the possibilities!

Jet Lag

It is 2.30am and both my girlies are WIDE awake and busy! About 17 hours ago we touched down in Tanzania!

The journey was OK ... the munchkins did pretty well considering! The first two flight they were brill! We went through security in London and had lunch with my mum and Mark's parents which broke up the journey a little and gave us a couple of extra pairs of hands to amuse the girls. 

The second night flight was a lot harder ... because we were so tired too! Of the nine and half hours we were on the plane, Naomi fought sleep for the first six and Abigail the first eight!! Bodyclocks gone haywire and I'm not surprised, mine was feeling a little loopy and I understood everything that's going on!

Now I have no idea what time my body think's it is but the girls bodies most certainly don't believe it's the middle of the night! I've never had to cope with jet lag like this before after 48 hours travel with little ones in tow. It's certainly interesting and frustrating and confusing and a whole load of other emotions all rolled into one.

We had a snooze this morning and then fought to keep the girls (and ourselves) awake in the afternoon. We walked around the compound where we are staying for the night ... checking out the mango trees and the girls were hugging the palm trees (Abigail was SO excited to see they were in Africa after falling in love with them when we were in Florida!) and trying to have some outside time in an effort to get sunlight and adjusted but right now it seems that it was all in vain!

In less than two hours time we have to get up to go to the airport for our final MAF flight to Dodoma ... so I'm guessing that there is no point in trying anything too drastic to adjust now and just roll with punches tomorrow!

The irony is that by the time they are properly settled, it will most likely be when we begin our return journey home in a weeks time! I'm just grateful that when we next arrive in Tanzania we will only have to adjust from UK time and not US time, a lot less hours to cope with and then a lot longer to adjust to it too ... as we'll be staying!

Planning ahead!

So, today is a BIG day in our household!

We are on our way to visit what will be our new home, Dodoma, Tanzania and while it is very exciting to get the opportunity to go ... it has been a mammoth undertaking.

From securing the finances to the detailed planning and packing beforehand. The preparation has been huge ... but now that the bags are packed there is an even bigger task ahead of us. Travelling for 3 days, across 3 time zones, on 4 aeroplanes with our two little munchkins! (Insert sharp intake of breath here!) I am a little apprehensive about that part although the girls have always been good so far!

Yesterday we were pottering around getting everything together and having quite a leisurely time packing. A little surreal in our family ... packing is one of our least favourite things to do in the whole world and one of the only times that Mark and I tend to get a bit short with each other! Not ideal given the amount of packing and moving and travelling we have already had to do and will continue to do in the future! Given that this is our biggest trip ever as a family, I had expected it to be quite stressful so was pleasantly surprised with the whole experience!

I made lists of lists a week ago, in order for everything to be accounted for in advance. We worked out the final things we needed to buy and set aside time to do that without leaving it til the last minute. We started separating out everything we needed to take days in advance, so it was all ready. Then yesterday afternoon, I played with the girls while Mark worked his magic with the cases.

In all the travelling I've done around the world, I have never been quite so methodical about what I needed to pack ... ever! (I have also never done such a big trip with a family of four either.) It most certainly paid off though and made it a much more pleasant experience for everyone.

Now we just have the journey to deal with ... and the excitement of a trip to Africa!

(While I hope to be able to continue posting as normal while we're away, with so many unknown variables at this point, I can't promise anything ... just watch this space!)

All Hallows Eve

Today is All Hallows Eve ... or Halloween as it's more commonly known. It's on the 'Eve' of All Hallows Day or All Saints Day. It's difficult to imagine with all the hype that goes along with it today, that it had anything to do with honouring the Saints of God at some point!

There is such a dark, almost evil element to the 'holiday' now, and since moving to the States I've noticed what a HUGE commercialised event it is to celebrate out here. Way, way, WAY, more than I ever imagined it would be from the UK, where the Brits efforts are positively pathetic compared to their American counterparts.

While there is a totally harmless side to it all, with all kinds of fun and ingenious costumes there are also the more spooky elements on display ... with toddlers running around pretending to be zombies, monsters, wrapped up as mummy's, with fake blood dripping from their mouths and necks or as scary skeletons. 

Call me old fashioned but is it really necessary to expose such little ones to all that stuff so early? It may seem harmless but there is also the more sinister side that surely they really don't need to be aware of just yet. Abigail won't even walk down the aisle in the store that sells those things because she finds them scary, she's certainly not going to wear any of them! Even all the kids tv channels this week put their most 'spooktacular' episodes on back-to-back to celebrate Halloween. Overkill ... needless to say it's been more DVD's than TV this week in our house!

Trick or treating is a much more organised business here in Ohio. There is a designated couple of hours, one evening which is well publicised in advance where if someone is on their front porch it means they welcome 'trick or treaters' and will have all kinds of goodies ready for them. So, I will admit, it is relatively safe and fun. Back at home I know of older folk (and younger ones too!) who dread Halloween and hearing their doorbells ring, for fear of who or what will be on the other side and if they stick a 'no trick or treating' sign up on their door, can find that they get their house 'egged' because they're not entering into the spirit of things! Nice!

In a culture, here in the States, that is acceptably so much more Christian than we're allowed to be by law in the UK, it surprised us that Churches celebrate Halloween here too ... the same way as everyone else, just on their premises. Costumes, trunk or treat (going round to the trunk/boots of people's cars in the church carpark to get the goodies rather than going door-to-door) etc. Almost embracing it rather than being the light in the midst of it.

Back in the UK, I have been used to churches organising 'Light Parties' on Halloween. Fun without the sinister, using it as an opportunity to draw attention to and praise God rather than embrace the encroaching darkness of the world today, particularly on October 31st when it all just gets that little bit darker.

We have successfully missed 'celebrating' Halloween each year we've lived here as we've usually been back in the UK visiting visas. This year however we have been surrounded by it. Wondering what the correct response to the cashier at the store is when they greet you with 'Happy Halloween'. Trying to work out how to explain it all to Abigail who is full of questions.

In the build up to Halloween, Abigail was telling us she didn't like it because all the advertising made it look 'too scary'. I was relieved! Then she saw an advert where a little girl was dressed up as a princess and from that point on she was hooked, saying 'I like Halloween', 'On Halloween I'm going to be a princess'. And she made a very beautiful Rapunzel for both our church event last weekend and for pre-school this morning ... 

All I can say is, I'm very grateful that we'll soon be moving on somewhere where all this hype and marketing won't affect us when it comes to Halloween. It won't hurt our girls one bit, to grow up slightly more protected from it all until they're just a little bit older. 

I know, I know, I'm a fuddy-duddy ... but on this topic, I really don't care!